Reader,
It has come to my attention that I am using this newsletter for ends beyond those originally declared, i.e. to record my occasional thoughts on smoothies. What tipped me off is that it took me until just now to realize that I am actually obsessed (not unhealthily, I hope) with smoothies. Put another way, I had already written most of a newsletter about smoothies when I realized that I have indeed been dedicating serious and regular thought to them these past few weeks. Up until then, I truly had no idea.
I think this is basically normal. Annie Dillard in the excellent* essay “Living Like Weasels” writes, “brains are private places, muttering through unique and secret tapes.” The end for which I am using this smoothie newsletter—apart from process documentation and maybe some strained jokes—is investigating what’s on my muttering tapes, at least to the extent that they concern smoothies.
Well, so, but the smoothies
I made a real dud this week, on Mardi Gras. I tried mixing frozen mango, baby spinach, honey, and some dairy fluid combination (mostly kefir, I think?), and it just did not fly. The mango clearly wasn’t ripe when it was frozen, so it had that tartly astringent flavor unripe mango has, and kefir (at least the bottle I have, which is 1% milkfat) is a legitimately sour beverage. Altogether, the mixture was unappetizingly bright. Sad! Here are some potential avenues of improvement:
Add some frozen ripe bananas.
NeverOnly very rarely an error.
Freeze ripe mangoes at home.
I actually bopped around a few grocery stores after classes got out today to see if I could find fresh Ataulfo mangoes, which I like a lot, but no dice— only Kent, and I didn’t feel like trying my luck.
When I was in college I read a mango-ranking article written by someone who had strong opinions about the ranks of mangoes. I remember he particularly disliked the Tommy Atkins variety. From this article I inherited a superstitious fear of selecting The Wrong Mango; I have never truly recovered.
Are Kent mangoes good? Have you eaten them?
“The Tommy Atkins mango” sounds like something they’d serve at Margaritaville. Who is Tommy Atkins? Perhaps I will tell you next week.
Using mango nectar and Greek yogurt (or plain old whole milk) instead of kefir. The effect I really wanted was mango lassi-esque, and I think this combination would help supplement the deficiencies of the frozen mango.
The Indian grocery store near where I live has lots of mango nectar varieties (along with an intriguing spiced cultured buttermilk product), but they all contained additives, and I am a fussy little bitch.
I just checked whether R.W. Knudsen sells a mango nectar and 1) he do, but also 2) my search revealed that the branding on the bottles has been updated :(. No more dowdy old hippy Knudsen…
It’s important to be rigorous
There are several reasons for this.
Thoughtful and deliberate smoothie-making is, in my experience, more likely to yield a high quality smoothie than are slapdash efforts.
If you know how you made a smoothie, you can repeat it.
Corollary: if you know how you made a smoothie, you’re more likely to know how to correct its shortcomings than if you threw it together without thinking.
Rigor promotes self-respect.
I am learning about protein
I was worried that my smoothie breakfasts weren’t providing me with adequate protein, but I just crunched the numbers, and it turns out everything’s fine! Here. Protein:
In an egg - 6g
In a cup of almond milk - 1g
Lmfao; do better, almond milk!
In a serving of powdered PB (2tbsp) - 8g
In a serving of regular-degular PB - 8g
In a serving (3/4C) of whole milk Greek yogurt - 16g
In a cup of milk - 8g
In a cup of kefir - 11g
A sedentary woman is rumored by scientists to need about ~46 grams of protein per day. God is in control. (I was weirdly worried about this, even though I hadn’t had any issues with e.g. feeling hungry before lunch. It’s nice to have the question resolved.)
That said, the above does mean that if you want to make a smoothie that functions like a meal (inasmuch as it can keep you full for several hours), you basically need to include either dairy ingredients or protein powders, which I have not explored and do not plan to explore. Juicy smoothies, tea or coffee-based smoothies, even smoothies too reliant on almond milk—they’re all off the proverbial table. I think of this as the “protein problem.” I contemplate it sometimes.
Some smoothie ideas:
“Milk and Honey” - something like: frozen bananas, milk, full-fat Greek yogurt (maybe), honey, and a bit of salt. I got some nice honey at a tea-tasting event last week, so it has been on my mind recently. I’m dubious about the Greek yogurt because what I really want is a mild, sweet, creamy, and dessert-adjacent smoothie— I’m not sure the tang of Greek yogurt would further that objective.
Maybe a Liberte yogurt (specifically the “Philippine coconut” variety) would be a good substitute? It would taste delicious, but see: the protein problem.
If you have never had a Liberte yogurt, do yourself the favor. I was first encountered them in maritime Canada many years ago. And now they sell them at the Aldi! Life is so crazy.
Would it matter what kind of salt you used, in this case? Like, if you wanted to take a compelling photograph of the result for your e.g. smoothie newsletter, obviously you’d sprinkle a few flakes of Maldon or whatever on top, but as a flavoring agent, does it matter? I could probably ask Bon Appetit about this, but I’m not— I’m asking you!
A classmate just suggested a variation of this that includes fresh ginger, which I think would be just terrific.
A pat illustration of that old chestnut: you can never go wrong, talking to friend about smoothie : ).
Peach, ginger, & turmeric - I originally conceived of this smoothie as a standard milk-and-yogurt concoction, but then I was like, what if: green tea? Then the question becomes: just green tea? Green tea PLUS milk-and-yogurt? But then, wouldn’t the green tea get overpowered? Would a tea concentrate solve this problem?
Please discuss this question in your breakout rooms for the next, oh, let’s say… Twelve minutes. I’ll let you know when a minute remains. Have fun out there!
A smoothie with raw liver in it - it’s gonna have to happen eventually.
You’ll all be sorry then!
It goes without saying that I want to know about your smoothies
I have for this reason registered the email address “smoothienewsletter@gmail.com.” I am imagining a “works in conversation” section that’s just about me and you testing the same smoothie recipe, and I think it’s really great. But anything, really. I would just love to hear from you.
Until then, faithfully yours,
LPG
*Who knows if it’s excellent. I loved it, anyway.
Matcha powder!!